I have been doing some thinking about letting go. Letting go of the idea that I know whats best for me, and everyone else. Holding on to that idea, which was once a certainty in my life has certainly caused me and those around me, damage.
I am starting to work on step 2 and 3, and I believe that there is a power higher than me helping me to stay sober. I can’t call it God in the traditional sense, but certainly something more than I am. A lot of other alcoholics look to the people in the rooms as their source of higher power, I am not sure quite yet- but there must be something.
My flawed decision making has led me to a very dark place, and I am willing to give over the control in my life to something else to help me. I am trying to be a better wife and mother, and I don’t feel like I could make these changes on my own. Maybe it is because I am thinking about it more, but I see such beauty and joy around me that to dismiss it as a coincidence of creation seems rather glib. So, one day at a time, I am going to try and give my life over.