If I was being poetic about today I would let Dusty vocalize ‘I don’t know what to do with myself.’ Turns out I need not have worried, I had plenty to do with myself slogging away sorting out all the kids rooms after the decorators had been. (and yes, it their bedrooms do look lovely now they are done- so everyone who said they would were correct)
I wish that I was brave enough to actually ask to do something I would like, as when I don’t pipe up I end up feeling resentful. I feel that I don’t have the right to ask, as my previous behavior has been so poor. I wish… I wish… who the fuck do I think I am, a bloody Disney Princess? Since when did wishing anything ever actually work anyway? Never.
I am a classic need to think less, ACT more. DO more. I make myself utterly miserable over thinking everything. I am making myself miserable thinking full stop.
No, I do not believe I should become an unthinking idiot. I dare say I will still be able to manage reading the newspaper and remember that Brexit is a terrible idea- but what I do need to do is remember that my thinking is flawed. Example:
1- Today I wanted to go and get ice cream. It didn’t happen, therefore I am a terrible person who is unliked by all. *
Good grief I don’t even want to write anymore- never mind subject you to having to read anymore. I need to accept that my thinking is flawed, and today I allowed myself to feel emotionally vulnerable by being hungry, tired and lonely. For goodness sake, I need to not let myself get in a tizz like this again.
** Yes the ice cream place did gluten free waffles. Never mind, maybe one day.