Cycles of behaviour

I’ve heard so many times, that when you need a meeting, you get to a meeting. This was so true yesterday, and I found great comfort is sharing with the group about the most stressful event which has happened since I have been sober.

I didn’t drink yesterday. I did however go through being really angry about what had happened before I reached anything close to acceptance. Parenting is really hard, and we have 5 children, so life can feel like an endurance event. Parenting a child with significant mental health problems when you yourself are in early recovery feels almost impossible. I’ve been saying this for years:

Much easier to say than it is to live with. No matter what I say or do, it somehow doesn’t feel enough. I am sure my husband feels like this too, although I suspect that not having a drunk wife probably also helps him feel less overwhelmed. I want our child to feel understood, but also for him to have an understanding that he is damaging other people. I should probably add that we are in contact or awaiting referral to the correct help channels, but in the mean time I am struggling to cope. I think probably some of this is guilt, that in the past I made his problems about myself and numbed the feelings with drinking. Sober, I can promise you I am feeling those feelings to the maximum, and they hurt. I think I will end this pretty vague (sorry!) post with a plea to those that know us, this week has been tough so if you fancy a cup of coffee please do come over, we would love the company.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. I have so much empathy for you.
    Hugs, and proud of you for staying sober.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Wendy. I really appreciate your support x

      Liked by 1 person

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