Recovery is not a constant

I thought it would be like this:

Stop drinking. Stay stopped. Ta da! You have recovered.

Instead it has been more like this:

Well bugger. That actually looks like a lot of work. It’s not just about stopping drinking, but wondering why you did in the first place, and why you didn’t drink like other people. It’s emotional graft of which I think the physical equivalent would be digging trenches. Recovery for me so far has been visceral, raw, and difficult. Never mind feeling uncomfortable, on bad days I feel something between edgy and downright awful. I am still manipulative, self centred, difficult to live with- I am still me. The only real difference is that now I am trying to be better, and it bothers me if I am not. One of the biggest changes has been that it’s not just drinking because I have too, it is because I want too- that is progress. Happy Friday all.

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