Transparency is a word you hear a lot in relation to American political dramas (real and on TV!) I have been watching a *lot* of Mr Sutherland in Designated Survivor. I like this telly box offering as it makes a change from the grim murder things I tend to watch, and basically I still have a crush on KS since I first saw the Lost Boys.
Anyway- I have been think about the nature of what it is to be transparent. It is not in the nature of an alcoholic to be honest. By nature we hide the truth of our addiction from ourselves and others. We hide how much and when we drink, and we hide the evidence. We also hide the emotions and reasons that have caused us to drink. Being honest and open is not a behavior which we cultivate, yet it is one that is vital for recovery.
Just imagine trying to be well without being honest and truthful- it would be, at least for me, impossible. The thing is that honesty, and transparency are a habit of being. You need to learn to make these a part of your instinctual behaviors and predicates for existence. I used to find hiding the truth, or to be more open, lying, made the road I was travelling temporarily easier for me. I got less hassle and angst from those who loved me. In the long run however I thought it would be more healthy to take a decision at the start of my sobriety to be open and honest. The consequence being that telling the truth often makes me look bad, or feel bad. (because my behavior has been bad or worse) Tough luck me! As an old friend of mine would say ‘Suck it up Princess.’ Being honest and bearing the consequences are part of the way in which I hope eventually to convince my friends and family that I am trust worthy, and we can work towards happier relationships.
Transparency is not the easier route, but for me it is the one worth the time and effort to travel. I like to end with a picture, and whilst a little righteous I rather like this: