And I feel fine.
You know the song, right? I assume that whilst not everyone loves R.E.M, at least most people will have heard this song. Go and have a dance around your kitchen to it, it’s a real mood lifter if you don’t listen to the lyrics!
Anyway, when the day came and I knew I had to give up drinking it did feel like the end of the world. I didn’t know who I was sober, at least not all the time. I didn’t know how I would manage stressful situations, or deal with relationships, or actually do anything that gives me social anxiety. Alcohol had been my crutch for such a long time I had lost a sense of who I was underneath, and whilst I felt positive about the need to stop drinking it also felt like losing a friend. At one point Alcohol had been a good friend to me, there when I needed it, consistent, enveloping me in a warm embrace when I felt I needed it. When I realised the friendship had turned sour, and I had taken my last drink I did feel a sense of loss, like nothing would be the same.
I was right, it hasn’t been the same, it has been better. It sounds like a cliche but now I have good days and bad days, but I can deal with them both in a reasoned way. I feel like I have found me again, and that people still like me, still love me without the bravado that alcohol gave me. I don’t just feel fine, I feel better.