Day 26: I am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin today, and so I wanted to reflect on some of the positives to give me a bit of perspective. There is simply no way I could become sober on my own. I rely heavily on my support network of the Inclusion group, AA and most importantly for me, my family. My children don’t really fully understand what/why I am going through this. They have still been beyond super awesome and cheer me on to go to meetings. I was initially surprised how pleased they were when I gave up drinking, I guess I never realized that they had noticed really. Clearly they had.
My parents, my brother and my sister in law have also been amazing. I think the thing that I appreciated most was their honesty. They were quite happy to say they didn’t understand what I was going through, but they were happy to support me no matter what. It has been the very definition of unconditional love, that really I always thought I wasn’t deserving of.
My main support has been my husband. We have been married since April, and he has without a doubt showed me what love truly is. He had a very hard time in his first marriage, and I wanted to be a stable influence for his children. Well. I blew that one didn’t I. It is things like this that I am most struggling to over come, as not only have I betrayed him, but also the children.
I know that all this will take time. I need to be consistent in my actions, and show them that I can be trusted again. I really thought once I had stopped drinking that would be the end of the emotional upheaval, but in fact it was the very beginning. My husband has had to put all of his feeling and healing aside so that he can support me, and I am amazingly lucky that he has done that. He never drank much, but there is now no alcohol in the house at all, and he is always there if I need a hug. (or chocolate.) A few weeks ago it looked as they he couldn’t overcome all the problems that I had caused, and the marriage was in danger of disintegrating. Apart from my new found sobriety, I am most grateful for his love, patience and compassion.